Go away from the freak violence I made. Or if you like I will put my jammy hands in your hidey hole. Wearing a glittering coat is nothing short of generous. I can teach you many things. Until you are taut and shining I do not want to teach you.

Really there is just one way to skin a cat. You wear the skin on your naked breasts. Guess my name. Never have I ever wanted all these heating pads in my bed. Never have I ever said a thing that wasn’t covered in honey. I mix cream into your brains by way of suggestion.

Whenever you hint at the presents I should buy for you I also make a black mark on the inside of my arm. When my arm is full it tells me to kill you.

I have a question: who is that woman who brought you here, and can I give you back. Justly, I think, the hole I dug was only half your size. I am reticent to give my truffles to anyone who gets voluptuous.

Very very treacherous games are the ones I play with my nanny. Guns are a thing I like too. My legs tread in a Japanese tub of your bile. I am leaking. A game we play has a rule about when women are allowed to win. Sometimes a witch will know more than a man, but not often. I am hardly even talking about you.

Look, no more gems can fit on my fingers. You have to feed me because my hands are too heavy. I am a policewoman from a long line of queens. We had a jubilee and everyone got to fire a little gun. For breakfast I would like you to brush egg on my eye.

Mine are the ones who have skulls instead of heads. I will open my present when I have the fortitude to put on my pink gown. I am a young mermaid in the family way. Also my heart hums.

I will create you something out of nothing good. I have a spell that will take all of your skin and put it on backwards. They have kept me in a zoo for many years now. They do not know what else to do with a girl who masturbates this much, and this enthusiastically, and this perfectly!

My only friend is the toad with the large penis. I have money but it smells bad. The longer I get going the longer I hate you. There is a place inside me called no man’s land. A feral dog could also keep me company.

I regret every minute I am not having sex. Between you and me, we were never tasting very good. Between you and me, I cannot stand to be a person who holds hands with children.

Looping your hair around my body makes me become a thing not completely human. Assuming I have never been used up before, I would like to posit that I could really help you a lot. Many times I have felt that you could cleave the water from my watered-down beverage.

Before I can say I love you I must curl my tongue into a Jesus-on-the-cross shape. Video recorders have evidence of great deeds that I have done but which have been attributed to other better people. Was it only how I felt or did you feel like this too. Describe for me a type of lady.

To be clear, mine are the ones who let me fuck them to death. I will run away to be with the other men if you don’t punch me in the place where my heart should be. Real ladies are dancing in yogurt. Maybe you can help me with my yogurt problem. Please don’t think I won’t fall in love with you because I can even fall in love with a monkey on a TV show. Are they ready for me. Bring me my diamonds.

KRISTINA BORN is the author of One Hour of Television. Her stories have appeared in DIAGRAM, Unsaid, PANK, and elsewhere. She currently lives in Vancouver, BC, where she digitizes autopsy reports for a living.